How Can You Tell If You Are In Victim Mentality?

Having a victim mentality robs you of your sense of personal power. Are you living in Victimville? Take this quiz to find out.


1. My first response to a setback is to blame another for what’s happened.
2. No matter what I do, things are not really going to change for me.
3. I often find myself beginning thoughts with phrases like “I cant….”I’m no good at …. I’ve never been able to…..
4. When angry, I rarely begin sentences with "I".
5. Conversations with others are often about how hard things are.
6. When I meet a person on the street that I haven’t seen in a while and they ask me how I am, I say, “I’m fine” and then start telling them all the things that are wrong in my life.
7. I must have done something really horrible in a past life because nothing ever works for me.
8. When friends offer advice, I usually counter it with a “Yes, but….”
9. No one really understands me or knows how challenging my life really is.
10. I’m always so busy with work and things I need to do that I don’t have time to do the things I want to do.


Living with a victim mentality usually keeps us stuck in old patters and can be an externalized way of dealing with anger or fear of change that you haven't dealt with. If you answered True to some of the statements above, you may want to explore this further so as to not limit your life and your happiness.

Our Uniqueness - Quote of the Day

I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

Frederick E. Perl

Balancing Mind, Body and Spirit - Quote of the Day

Balance is the key to success in all things. Do not neglect your mind, body, or spirit. Invest time and energy in all of them equally - it will be the best investment you ever make, not just for your life but for whatever is to follow.

Tanya Wheway
British Businesswoman, Health Spa Director and Author

Integrity

Integrity has popped up for me several times in the last few months and I've had a hard time wrapping myself around it. What exactly does it mean? What is living in integrity? The exact meaning has illuded me. Why is it that some people think something they are doing is living with integrity and someone else wouldn't agree?

This past weekend, I finally understood. I was listening to a podcast from Hay House Radio with Cheryl Richardson who is a well-known Life Coach. I thought she explained it very well. Living with integrity means doing things that are in alignment with your beliefs and values. Since we all have different beliefs and values, what is integrity for one person may not be for another AND there is no judgement around this.

She gave this example of years ago when she would get too much change back from a cashier, she would be grateful for the abundance of the Universe and believed that was the reason for the extra change. Now, if she got extra change, she would return it because she doesn't feel like it's hers to keep. Neither is wrong because they were both done in alignment with her beliefs and values. She's just in a different place now.

Integrity is the reason I chose to leave my job last summer. It was killing me inside to be there. The values and beliefs of my employer were not in alignment with mine and every day I felt as if I was losing more and more of myself. Leaving was the best thing I could do for myself and I have never regretted my decision. That doesn't mean that things aren't a challenge sometimes because of adjustments I've needed to make but I am in alignment in that area of my life and I know that feels right. I never question it.

Integrity is something very personal and, I think, very important. Any time you are feeling out of alignment, you are probably not living with integrity in some area of your life. Take a look around. Is there something that doesn't feel right that you are doing? Something that is causing you stress? Take a look at your values and beliefs...is there a way you could do things differently that would feel better?

You Are...

"You are goodness and mercy and compassion and understanding. You are peace and joy and light. You are forgiveness and patience, strength and courage, a helper in time of need, a comforter in time of sorrow, a healer in time of injury, a teacher in times of confusion. You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth; the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always."

Neale Donald Walsch
American Author and Teacher

Dropping Our Illusions

Dropping our illusions is a healing in itself. Within each of us there is a core--our essence, our true being. That is the place of God who is within us. Finding that essence is our return to God. It is the purpose of our lives, and even our most painful experiences can serve that purpose.

—Excerpted from A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

I have had this illusion for most of my life that certain things represent/provide security. The truth is, most things that seem secure, aren't. So what is? The only true security comes from inside. I find security in knowing that I can call on my angels for anything I need. I find security in knowing that I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and exactly when I'm supposed to be doing it. I find security in knowing that I am surrounded by people who really care about me. That provides a whole different level of security than I ever thought possible.

What illusions do you hold?

Fear vs. Confidence

"There are always two voices sounding in our ears: the voice of fear and the voice of confidence. One is the clamor of the senses, the other is the whispering of the higher self."

Charles B. Newcomb

Which voice will you listen to?

8 Tips for Happiness

1. Live in the present.
2. Take time to be silent.
3. Relinquish the need for external approval.
4. Listen to your body.
5. Let go of anger.
6. Don't judge.
7. Don't contaminate your body with toxins.
8. Maintain your perspective.

Happiness is our life purpose - the only reason we are here. What are your tips for happiness?

The More Tranquil We Become...

I received this quote in an email the other day and thought how fitting it was with what I've been going through and the realizations I've had. How do you find the calmness in your mind?

"The more tranquil we become, the greater our success, our influence, our power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom."

James Allen, 1864-1912
English Author and Philosopher

Change and Resistance

Change in be hard. The first thing that needs to happen is an awareness that something isn't working. Even once the awareness occurs, it can be hard. It's what we know. There's a fear that comes up about the unknown. Sometimes it feels safer to stick with what we know even though it's uncomfortable. Because of this, resistance often creeps up. It shows its ugly head in a variety of ways. For me, I've developed a really bad headache, and although it was real and hurt like heck, I knew that was because I was resistant to something coming up. I've also felt like I'm too busy and I just don't have time to do something. In reality we always make time for things that we're open to. I've been in the middle of an uncomfortable conversation and all of a sudden realized I have to go to the bathroom and it just couldn't wait. I've found myself thinking I know I want to make this change but my husband won't understand or it will make my daughter angry or someone will be disappointed in me. I've thought it's too expensive or it will take too long. I've sometimes thought I just can't do it. It's just way to hard. Fear is by far the biggest the reason people resist.

Everything that goes on in your life is there because it fills a need you have inside. Every poor relationships, addiction, anger, or what ever there is that is creating a problem fills a need. I think once you've realized something isn't working, the next step is to realize that you're resistant to change if that's the case. I think another important step is not beating yourself up because of resistance you've felt in the past. Today is a new day and you can make the choice to move forward. You can tell yourself that you are ready to change. Ready to give up the resistance. Ready to move forward with your life. You can let go of the past and start new today.

I recommend beginning with an affirmation like "I am willing to change" or "I am ready to change". Something that resonates for you. Notice what comes up for you now. Notice if you have any tightness in your throat. Your throat is the center were many changes began. If this occurs, try placing your hand on the front of your throat as you say the affirmations. You may also want to try an affirmation like "I am ready to consider changing". That may feel safer for you. An affirmation is just a shift in energy and I believe that affirmations can really support us as we move forward. Sometimes all it takes is a shift in our energy to get us moving in the right direction.

Another important step for many of us is to have a good support group. That might be friends or family. Someone or a group of people that can help hold you accountable as well as provide support as you move forward. Who do you have in your life that is willing to support you in change? in making changes for your wellbeing? Another option is to find a group outside of your circle of friends and family. Sometimes it easier to begin with a group of people you don't know really well as you begin this process because it can be scary. I also recommend Louise Hay and her book "You can Heal your Life". This book has great tools. It can help you create a strong foundation for creating the life you want and the life you deserve.

I will be offering four workshops, approximately one per month, this summer guiding you through the book "You can Heal your Life". My goal for these workshops is to provide you with some ongoing support as you move through the book at your own pace. Each workshop will cover a few chapters at a time, providing some direction and clarity as you go. During the month you will move through those chapters at a pace that's comfortable for you. If questions come up, I encourage participants to e-mail each other and myself as a way of getting additional support. Early in the fall, we will come together one last time to check in with each other and celebrate the progress everyone has made. Each small step towards a brighter future is more important to me than the great big achievement in the end. If all we ever look at is the big one at the end, there isn't much to keep us going along the way. The beauty is in the process and acknowledging ourselves every step of the way, no matter how small it seems, will keep us going. It will give us the hope and the energy to continue looking ahead. I look forward to supporting you on a journey of self-realization and growth. My wish for everyone is to enjoy life and to find happiness. Let's work together on this common goal. For more information on the workshops, please see our calendar of events at www.infinitelightmn.com.